Why try to win an argument no one can win?

Norma says, “When Frank’s mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease, I made it my goal to keep his mother happy and not agitated.  I saw no harm in agreeing to some of her most outlandish comments or suggestions just to keep her calm (as long as she was physically safe, of course).  Agreeing with her when she was upset seemed to help ease her agitation.  Why try to win an argument that will never have a winner?  A case in point—Frank’s mom loved to drink wine, but since she was diabetic and her Alzheimer’s had progressed to the point that she couldn’t control her sugar levels, wine was out of the question.  When she asked for wine, I didn’t argue.   Instead, since she could no longer read, I served her sparkling apple cider or something similar.  As long as it came out of a wine-shaped bottle, she was happy.  Don’t argue, but find a way to agree.”

Yvonne also says, “Humor the patient by diplomatically conceding to his or her wishes.  One Alzheimer’s patient insisted that she go to Canada.  Instead of chiding her by explaining why this was impossible, her wise daughter asked, ‘What do you remember about Canada?  What would you like to see there?’ This enabled her mom to travel there in her mind.  Again, the caregiver didn’t argue, but found a way to agree.”

From:  The Compassionate Congregation, Karen Mulder & Ginger Jurries

Karen Mulder

Karen Mulder

Karen Mulder is the founder of the Wisdom of the Wounded ministry. She lives in Holland, Michigan with her husband Larry.


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