By Judy Vanderwilt

Over six years ago my spouse died. In many ways, my life has found new patterns for living. And my guess is that many folks think I no longer grieve and that my life is now filled with new adventures and commitments. While I have found new routines for living that provide meaning, I still grieve.

As my grief continues, it is different from the way it was when my husband died, but in ways that are continuous on a day-to-day basis. One of my friends has described grief as a ball which is part of our lives forever. We just build a new life around that ball.

For me, the most significant way in which I experience grief is through loneliness. No one to greet the day and face the night, no one to share meals with, no one to talk things through with, no one to… And while I have friends and family with whom I talk regularly, no one can fully fill that loss of my spouse, with whom I spent more than 60 years of my life.

However, I have been the recipient of a wonderful gift! I am grateful for one friend who has helped to mitigate some of my loneliness. For over six years, she has been calling me between 9 and 10 pm almost every night. What do we talk about? We talk about how our days have gone, what projects we are working on, what worries are on our minds, how our family members are doing, and whatever else is on our minds. It is a shared conversation which I truly value.

I doubt that my loneliness will ever be fully assuaged; however, deep friendships and connections, for me, have brought me much comfort as I live these days alone. Thanks be to God for friends!