When a friend tells you about an illness or a surgery, we are sometimes tempted to say things like, “oh, my aunt had that same surgery, and her recovery was only two or three months . . .” Or we might talk about our similar experience to show that we can relate by saying, “I once had a really sore shoulder, and it bothered me a lot . . .”

But this isn’t helpful. Try to remember when you visit someone in the hospital or in a nursing home (or even in their home):

Make them the focus of your visit.

Here are some helpful suggestions.

Do not:

• Make comparisons.
• Give advice.
• Diagnose their medical condition or their situation.
• Hold tight to your agenda.

Do:

• Ask about their agenda by saying, “What do you feel like talking about today?”
• Offer caring words such as, “I know you’re suffering, and I really care about that. So, if you talk, I want to listen.” (And then really listen!)
• Invite them to share their story by saying, “Tell me more about about . . .”
  
  

Remember our job as a good friend is to be there and to listen.

God Bless