When there is a death in a family, Christmas can be so painful because everyone else seems so happy.  One mother told me, “Watching their joy is bad enough, but the real pain is when our child’s name is not even mentioned; when no one recalls Christmases past, when my son was there with them, or when no one says how much our son is missed at Christmas.”

People want to know that their loved one who has died is still remembered!  Please say, “I remember” then share a special memory.

Along those same lines, my friend Ann Anderson shares how remembering a loved one who has passed away can bring comfort:

“One of the most significant gestures of caring came from our 3 ½ year old grandson, Jacob.  The first Christmas season after John’s death, Jacob asked, ‘Who makes the Baby Jesus cake in heaven?’  Then a few seconds later, he answered his own question:  “I know!  Grandpa John is baking the baby Jesus’s cake.’ A short while later he said, ‘Grandpa John must be really sad not to be able to talk to you.'”


Ann recalls, “Jacob’s comments meant so much to me because (1) he missed Grandpa John also, and (2) his questions invited me to think about and talk about John.”

So, this Christmas, tell someone who is grieving, “I remember” and then tell a story about the deceased or why you valued the person.  You will be giving the grieving person a treasured Christmas present.

Photo Credit: Loren Kerns

Karen Mulder

Karen Mulder

Karen Mulder is the founder of the Wisdom of the Wounded ministry. She lives in Holland, Michigan with her husband Larry.


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