How to Care for a Friend Shattered by Infidelity

by Challenging Relationships, Infidelity, Wisdom, Wisdom Podcasts0 comments

Editor’s note: The following story comes to us from “Mary.” Due to the sensitive nature of Mary’s situation, we have changed her name.

Mary told me, “Two weeks before the birth of our son, the most dreadful thing happened:  I discovered that my husband was having an affair.  I had suspected it, but in every way possible I did not want to believe it. However, what I had been denying inside became a reality; I was face to face with “the other woman” and my husband.  I was shattered by his infidelity and the break in our trust.”

Brokenhearted, Mary continued: “She didn’t belong in his arms.  I did!  My arms were empty and so was my heart. The anger was so overpowering, it made me scream.  I was angry at myself, at God, at the world.  I screamed until I couldn’t scream anymore.”

Being pregnant made the situation more difficult.  Mary found herself thinking, “If I wasn’t pregnant he wouldn’t be having an affair with another woman.”  Mary was filled with guilt and wondered if it was her fault. She said, “I felt like a ‘nothing.’ There was no energy, joy or life.  There was total numbness, inside and out.”

Thankfully, Mary was blessed with a caring friend to support her during this dark time in her life.  For months, this special friend would call Mary every day and ask her two questions. The first: “I’m here.  Do you want me there [with you]?” Mary says that was a great comfort to her and yes, many times she agreed to a visit because she felt so alone and lonely.  The second question Mary’s friend would ask each day was, “What can I pray about for you today?”

Her friend would say to Mary, “You carry the baby, and I will help you carry the hurt, and we will give them both to God.”

This story shows us that even though we cannot fix another person’s suffering, we can be there for them day after day after day.

Karen Mulder

Karen Mulder

Karen Mulder is the founder of the Wisdom of the Wounded ministry. She lives in Holland, Michigan with her husband Larry.


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