Who would willingly choose the following lifestyle?


I hate who I am, what I have become,

A parasite living and using off anyone and anything.

I only exist because I keep looking

For the perfect high.

I lie, manipulate, abuse others and

Abuse myself.

I occupy my time plotting my next high,

My false state of happiness.

I beg for release of this pain, silently

Plea for help to stop using,

To have the strength to let go of this drug

And its grip on my throat.

However, I give up easily and finally fall into a restless sleep.

I am dead to the world.

I am dead to myself.

As I sleep I can feel the spiders moving

Around inside my head

Eating away past memories of love and friends.

As they spin cobwebs of deception that cloud my reality with lies,

Guilt and shame.

I shake myself awake, make a phone call

And begin the dreaded long wait

For life’s energy, my elixir I need to exist.

I can feel everyone outside is watching me

And I hide in the shadows waiting…waiting…

Finally, I see my only friend.  My supplier of life.

I sneak out, meet him on the curb and give him my new iPod and $50.

He gives me a small bag and leaves.

I go back inside sneak into the safety of my attic.

And carefully open the bag, fill my glass God.

Slowly heat the contents, inhale deeply, and hold my breath, hold, and exhale.  A new run has begun.



Karen Mulder

Karen Mulder

Karen Mulder is the founder of the Wisdom of the Wounded ministry. She lives in Holland, Michigan with her husband Larry.

1 Comment

  1. stacy fisher

    My heart breaks for your pain you are living. I will pray for you. Know that if I could do something, as menial as it may be, I would do it for YOU! Please, Please, Please, believe in God. He will save you my friend.

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