I know that it is important to write a note to a grieving person. I want to write a note, but I often procrastinate and don’t write it because I do not know what to say.

I do not have an ironclad formula that must be followed when writing a note; however, here are my “3 Rs of Writing a Condolence Note” to get you started:

#1 – BE REAL
#2 – RECALL
#3 – REMIND

#1 BE REAL: As you reach out, admit your honest feelings. If the news stunned you, say so. If you are overwhelmed with pity and compassion, admit it. So recently in writing a note to Connie, I said, “When we heard of Hal’s death we felt so sad.” That’s how I felt, so that’s what I wrote.

#2 RECALL:  Recall an important event or memory or fun bit of wisdom you learned from the deceased, and use the deceased’s name.  For example, I said, “I remember years ago when you and Hal were in my Bethel Bible class.  I can still see you sitting in the back right hand corner of the room.  You were so faithful and I often thought, “What a dedicated couple – to the class, and to each other.”” So I was recalling a memory.

#3 REMIND: Remind the person you are writing to that they are still valued, and loved by you and by others and by God. So I said in conclusion to Connie, “Whenever I think of you I see a beautiful woman with a lovely smile which lights up a room or any other place where she is.  May all your memories continue to bring a smile to your heart and to the world.”

May these be helpful as you reach out to write a note.  God bless.

To download a free e-book on simple ways to care for the people in your life go to our post  titled 122+ Ways to Care Well.

Updated 2022

Karen Mulder

Karen Mulder

Karen Mulder is the founder of the Wisdom of the Wounded ministry. She lives in Holland, Michigan with her husband Larry.

1 Comment

  1. Dorothy

    Thank you. I took notes. My legendary husbands death anniversary is coming up. I would love the people that love me to share memories. Your wisdom and tips I will use to help a newly bereaved niece.

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