A friend of mine experienced the death of a young family member recently. And though I knew there was nothing I could say to take away the pain, I still wanted to reach out. So, I sent her the following poem from the book The Lives We Actually Have by Kate Bowler and Jessica Richie.

I pray that the words below will be helpful to my friend, if not today, then perhaps someday.

Don’t hesitate to let someone know you’re thinking of them, just because you can’t find the “right” words. They will be so glad to know that you care.

for life after a loss

Blessed are you, who feel the wound of fresh loss.
       Or of a loss…no matter how fresh. . .that still makes your voice crack all
           these years later.
      You who are stuck in the impossibility of it.  Frozen in disbelief.
      How can this be?  It wasn’t supposed to be this way.

Blessed are you, fumbling around for easy answers or quick truths
       to try to make this go down easier.
       You who are dissatisfied with the shallow theology and trite platitudes.

Blessed are we, who, instead, demand a blessing.
        Because we have wrestled with God and are here.
             Wounded.  Broken.  Changed.

Blessed are we,
       who keep parenting,
       who keep our marriages and friendships and jobs afloat,
       and who stock the pantry. .  .

Because. . . but to move forward with a life we didn’t choose
      with a loss we thought we couldn’t live without?

One small step.  One small act of hope at a time.

       Kate Bowler and Jessica Richie, The Lives We Actually Have