A 23-year-old woman asked me: “A long-time college friend is seeming distant. She doesn’t respond to my texts or phone messages. That makes me sad and confused. What should I do?”

My response:

Can you name five kindergarten friends with whom you spent hours playing?

What about naming five pals you had in Middle School? You did everything together. Are you still friends?

If you are in your twenties or thirties, you probably fondly remember the closely knit group of friends you enjoyed and valued in high school and college. You thought those friendships would never end.

BUT. . . friendships change when you hit your twenties. Author Mel Robbins says, “As you enter your twenties the ‘big split’ happens. Suddenly you are on different timelines, living in different cities, moving in different directions.” For a while you keep up with that circle of college friends via texts and social media, but slowly some of those individuals start focusing on the people in front of them.

Mel Robbins advises that, “You have to be willing to let people come and go.” That sounds cold and sad, but usually when people come and go in your life, it isn’t personal. People’s family circumstances change—there is a divorce, or a friend has a baby, or there is an unexpected illness. Changes in relationships are part of the ebb and flow of life.

Probably as you look back on your 23 years, many friends came and went. Of course, there will also be friendships that endure, which is something to treasure. Today, I am looking back from the age of 83, and I cannot name many of the individuals I called “friends” at earlier stages. Recently, a friend hurt my feelings because she avoided my invitation to walk and talk or have coffee. That hurt. I wondered why she didn’t want to be my friend anymore. Mel Robbins’ YouTube, “Making Friends as Adults,” made me realize that my friend’s life and focus had changed. She now has a challenging full-time job. Now I am able to “let go.”

Care for yourself and “Let go.”