In any caregiving situation, there are four basic guidelines to help ensure that you offer loved ones the attention and support that they need.
Whether before, during or after a caregiving experience, prayer helps ensure that our caregiving reflects the heart of God. In praying before we offer care, we acknowledge our reliance on God's strength and healing. Prayer in the midst of care directly communicates our support for our friend, reminding them of the comforting power of the Holy Spirit (remember: ask permission to pray with a friend as well as what they require prayer for). Following up your care with a commitment to continue praying offers additional encouragement and support for the one in need.
Good, empathetic listening is a caregiving guideline that is often taken for granted or overlooked, but it's often the most powerful way you can help a person who is suffering. To listen well you must offer your complete, undistracted attention. You must also commit to hearing more than speaking, resisting the urge to give advice or tell your own story. When you respond, the words that you use should help the person name their own feelings and struggles.
Grief is a normal and natural process by which a person makes a healthy adjustment to any significant loss in his or her life. Anticipating and accepting the emotions a grieving person experiences will let them know you are open and kind, offering room for them to process and feel what is happening for them in healthy ways. Emotions you should look for in a grieving friend include shock, denial, depression, anger, fear and bargaining. As you welcome and listen to these emotions without managing them or offering tips and advice, you help a grieving person journey towards acceptance. Remember: stay present and gracious as you engage the wounded's grief.
"Human dignity" can be defined as one's self-worth. Our caregiving should not diminish a person's feelings of self-worth/self-respect. Whether we care for a co-worker who is going through a divorce, a friend who has cancer, or for a spouse or parent–we need to remember that the person is first of all a child created by God. So engage their thoughts, feelings, struggles and dreams in light of that truth. When you wonder how to respond, ask yourself what you would want done to you in that same situation.
Below are some additional resources that can be applied to many caregiving situations (Don’t see what you’re looking for here? Enter in a topic in the search button on the top right-hand side of this page or ask Karen):
09/14/2020
Are you wondering how to pray for racial justice? I found the website Faith and Prejudice, which is a “movement of Christians who are committed to living a life of radical love and humility as demonstrated by Jesus Christ; the type of love and humility that confronts and dismantles racism in America once and for […]
05/05/2020
At a recent Wisdom of the Wounded team meeting we discussed praying during the coronavirus crisis. One of Ann Lamott’s simple, yet three powerful prayers like, “Help” “Thanks” or “Wow” fit the bill. But we also wondered: maybe people are seeking specific ways to pray for others during this very unusual time in our lives. […]
07/31/2019
What is the most wonderful gift you can give a suffering person? You don’t have to go to the mall to buy it, you don’t have to wrap it, it’s free, and it is one of the most powerful ways to be God’s light to those who are struggling. What do you think that gift […]
06/27/2019
My sister, Loretta, is one of my favorite people in the whole world; so I could hardly stand it when I received the news that her house had burned and was totally destroyed on the inside. I called her immediately and one of the first things I said was, “Just think Loretta, you will get […]
Did you know that the word “comfort” is derived from a Greek word that means “to come alongside and encourage?” God says, “Go comfort my People” and asks us to walk alongside someone during their times of pain. But that’s not always easy, is it? Nicholas Walterstorff, a well-known theologian and author of Lament of […]
11/26/2018
Guest post by Robert Luidens Note from Karen: this wisdom was shared with me by Robert Luidens, a pastor with the Reformed Church of America. Bob recounts a day many years ago, when he met Janelle, a woman whose 10- year-old daughter had died suddenly after contracting a blood infection. I did not personally know […]
12/11/2017
Letty Pogrebin in her book, How to Be a Friend to a Friend Who’s Sick, gives advice on how to care for a sick friend. Her advice can be applied to all caregiving situations. One of her suggestions is: “Don’t infantilize the patient. Never speak to a grown-up the way you’d talk to a child. […]
10/03/2017
Debbie was a stay-at-home mom of four young boys when her husband passed away unexpectedly. At 35, she was thrust into widowhood. “In an instant, my worst fear became my reality. An unchangeable reality,” writes Debbie, in this blog post. Debbie, who is a fitness coach, recalls the weeks immediately following her husband’s death as […]
04/10/2016
I was depressed. I could not get myself to do what I knew would help me. If you are seeking creative ideas, go out walking. Angels whisper to a man when he goes for a walk. ~Raymond Inmon I knew that a good brisk walk would give me energy and lift my spirits, but as […]
04/04/2016
When I was ill with a terrible cold—the kind that makes you feel miserable and you can barely move your body from one room to another—a friend called and said, “I am at the grocery store, what may I pick up for you?” I responded, “Oh I would love some orange juice and three cans […]
Let a Cancer Patient Speak Their Truth
Going to Back to School During Uncertain Times
One White Privileged Woman and One Small Step Forward
Make a “Proud Of” List
Write to a Lonely Person and Bring Joy
Help Widows Keep Memories Alive
Jump Off the Boat
Distance Caregiving for The Grieving
