DO

•  Start off the conversations with “I’ve been thinking about you.” or “How are you doing today?”
• Offer to help with a specific task.  Take the time to call the grieving person, and listen for what their needs might be.
• “Be there” for the person.  Be comfortable with shared silence, your presence alone will be comforting to the grieving person.
• Listen using the 80/20 rule.  Listen 80% of the time and talk 20%.  Both you and the mourner will benefit from this.
• Listen to the mourner’s story and allow them to share their memories.

DON’T

• Suggest to the person that they are “doing so well or looking so good.”  Allow them to tell you how they are doing.
• Suggest or say to the griever “I know just how you feel.”  Each persons grief is unique to them.  Allow the person to share how they are feeling.
• Say, “Call me if you need anything.”  Think of something appropriate to do and follow through.
• Tell the mourner what they should do.  Doing that could make them feel incompetent and your advice might not be what they need.
• Delegate the work to others.  Your presence and caring will make a difference.
• Use cliches such as “God works in mysterious ways” or “there are other fish in the sea”.
• Suggest a timetable for their grief.  The mourner will decide when the time is right to  give away possessions or start dating.
• Talk about your own losses and how you adapted from them.